I have more than everything a woman could possibly want, and as a result, tend to leave friends and family rightfully baffled when gift-giving time comes around.
I am healthy and blissfully happy. I recently answered the question “if you only had 5 years to live, would you change anything?” with a resounding, unequivocal and instantaneous, “NO.” I was raised in the west and afforded all the luxuries and advantages of education, healthcare, culture, art, FEMINISM, family and yes, modest wealth. I have spent my life cultivating a small circle of brilliant, talented and inspiring intimates and mentors whom I consider my chosen family. While that would be enough for anyone to be set for life, I also have an amazing job, a wonderful team of ambitious overachievers who make me proud, a gorgeous sanctuary that I call home and last but nowhere near least, a loving family spread across three continents that I adore and who do me the honor of the returning that sentiment in countless little (and sometimes BIG) ways.

Those close to me will wonder why the title of ‘christmas manifesto‘ from a non-christian that has disliked the holiday about as long as she’s disliked meat, fizzy drinks and the smell of coffee (which is to say, as long as I can remember). My premise is simple, I live in the US (christmas is big here, have you noticed?) and I am a cultural catholic. Anyone knowing my ever-present battle with guilt in its many shapes and forms will vouch for me there. Plus, no one has ever forced Hanukkah songs down my throat, or asked me to sit on Buddha’s lap as a kid, so I am without a doubt, more connected to christmas than any other religious holiday. I wont even get into the whole “I went to catholic girl school with Tyra Banks” trip…you don’t want me to go there, believe me.

That said, anyone choosing to copy and paste any of this into their own manifesto (YOU MAY…in fact, you are encouraged…yes, even you devout christians tolerant enough to keep me as a friend) is very welcome to edit the above diatribe out and insert their own. It doesn’t even have to be cynical or sarcastic; all are welcome here.

All I want for christmas is to NOT participate:
1. in anyone’s evangelistic preachings
2. in meaningless money-wasting or gift-giving
3. in activities damaging to the environment or the integrity of any living beings

In other words, all I want for christmas is your love, creativity and the same good juju I try my honest best to give you all year round…and that I relish getting from you in return.

Since I know many of you are passionate about giving gifts and checking me off your list, what this means for YOU is: I am proposing we all roll up our sleeves and give gifts that are really, truly from you, and by this I mean, MADE BY YOU (i.e. not store bought -physical or online- I personally don’t need more “schtuff”).

Three exceptions to the above:
• Something made by someone you know personally and whose business you are supporting (I want photos and a story, my lovelies…and no, having shaken Bill Gate’s hand doesn’t count), i.e. nothing mass-produced please
• Something commissioned by you, but produced by an artist or other artisan/craftsperson
• Something made by someone else but assembled or creatively put together by you
Again for my lovely gift-givers who are still thinking “but what does this mean, practically!?” here are some ideas:
• A phone call
• A Haiku via SMS
• A video recording of you telling me about your year/what you’ve been up to
• A hand-written letter (stickers and a decorated envelope will sent me flying!)
• A mixed CD (I don’t have a tape deck, so no mixed cassettes, sorry)
• A painting/sculpture
• A hug and a smooch
• A poem
• A song
• A self portait
• A photo of something that made you pee your pants laughing
• A favorite quote
• A home-made soap or candle
• A crayon masterpiece your kids painted
• A copy of the first draft of your novel or business plan (wow, I should be so lucky!)
• A recording of you reading your favorite poem
• An old photo of you and I that will surprise me (keep it PG-rated, please)
• A donation to a cause that you and I both connect with
• An invitation somewhere we’ll both love (bonus if there is dancing involved!)
• A cooked meal
• A Tarot-card reading
• A hand-made card wishing me a happy solstice
• An EXPERIENCE of some kind (sorry, kinky is out this year)
• Other ideas? Surprise me! Hell, have fun, surprise YOU!

Let the games (or as I like to call it, ‘the holiday psychosis’) begin!!

FINE PRINT: Fair warning to folks choosing to ignore this (some of you have already been subjected to this in years past, I’m just memorializing here):
•Cards with a nativity scene or “Jesus Loves You” messages will either be returned to sender or just for fun, you may receive a package with your card stapled to a PlannedParenthood/Obama/Hannukah/Ramadan/Kwanzaa/EarthDay/PETA/Greenpeace card and a print out of this manifesto.
•Anything store bought will likely be returned (if possible) and the money (or item) donated to a good cause. If I know you read this manifesto, I will probably donate it to some cause you disagree with, just for my own amusement.